Well thing with me and Bryan seem kinda weird but good. Like we are going out or he wants t o go out. The other day at lucnch, Janet asked if we were going out. I said no and asked why she asked,at  first she said she was just wondering her, but I kept asking her cause it sounded like she knew something. Then she said cause we are all over  each other all the time. # 1 we dont touch each otehr in public so I dont know where she is getting that idea, and two she knows I want to go out with him but he doesnt want that now. GRrr, then she kept saying she didnt know anything thing, but I threatend blackmail  upon her, and Jill was like come on janet just tell her, but she was joking so I dont know what is going on there.
Well Sunday night we talked and then we said our goodnights and then he called me again at 1:30 aand said he couldnt sleep, I wasnt sleep yet either so I talked to him . He kept saying how much he misses me and wished he were hugging me right then. Yeah it was so cute but he said I shoulkd get sleep and i finally got off the phone at 2:30

yeah so On friday I went to Bryans concert. I got there at sat down and did homeworl. He kept asking what was wrong since I didnt  say anything to him and I was by myself. I sayd i nothing and there really wasnt anything worng, I just wanted to get my homework done. I knew he was going to be busy since it was his concert so I just left him alone so he could do his thing. Yeah so I finally moved to the table and he kept asking what was wrong, but still nothing was wrong. He kept coming up behind me and hugging me and he kissed me on the arm. Yeah so the night went by and it was cool, it really was a great night. All the bands were great and all my friends were there. so that made it more awesome. Then afterwards, Me and Bryan took his equpiment to his house and then we went to eat and sat in the parking lot until he finished eating and then decided what to do next.
We went and sat in his drive way and we were so tired to we laid there for awhile  and then I made him wake up and yeah the usual happened. He fingered me like usual, and then he got a hand job and head. He didnt cum though, I would have made him but it as like 3 and I had to go home so he said he owuld call me and finish on the phone hehe, thats funnym kinda weird but funny, Yeah well I got home and he called but I was so tired so I told him I had to go to bed and then I did.  SAturday I got us tickets to the drive thru record tour concert.
 Then he called at 4 and we talked til I got to work. Then at 12 ish he called me and was like what to calls, cause I usually call him but I didnt. Yeah so we talked for like 2omins but his friends jay called so he talked to him and then he called back and we talked. THen in the middle of the conversation , I guess my voice didnt sound so happy as it did before so of course he kept asking me waht was wrong and I said  nothing. H e was joking around about three somes that kinda bothered me but not really. He didnt think that was it so I told him that I was upset about SArah, and which I am but it didnt realy bother me.
 Yeah so that day SArah sent me and email survey thing and it listed her best friends and I wasnt included, she put Janet, Jill and ERica. Ok the night before she told me how much she doesnt like Jill and that she doesnt want to do stuff with her, but she still puts her down as her best friend even though she hates her so much. Yeah so how much does she hate me to not even list me? Must be alot. I have always tried to suck up to SArah but nothing has gotten me anywhere, And SArah sucks up to Janet and Jill, I am not sure why but she does. FIghts every week but still best freinds? I never fight with her.  Yeah so Bryan said that the only reason SArah could have for not liking me is that I seclud myself when there is a large group of people. BUt I figured it is why he hates me, well not hates me but dislikes me. He said that is the one and only thing he doesnt like about me,. I secclude myslef and dont have fun, he thinks that I should be all friendly to everyone.  I am just i dont like big groups I like to get to know people better in groups of 4 or so not 12 I hate that.  I just figure if there is 12 they dont need me and I can go by myself, but I guess that is not goood? But earlier we were talking about Sarah and how she is so fake and tries to get all the attention, but if bryan want me to be all friendly I am going to be like SArah and he says he doesnt like that, so I am not sure? I am not going to change myself, I am not anti social all the time but sometimes I just dont like being around so many people. I am used to being myself. I am the only child and I am used to sitting at home and entertaining myself that is just what I do. I dont depend on others to have fun, I love being by  myself. or with one other person. One person not 12! Yeah so the conversation lasted with him til 4:30 in the morn, ahh and I couldnt sleep, so I was really tired this morning.  
  Then while I was at work Bryan called me and lfet me a messsage saying he was at home and he bored and he woould be home all night if I wanted to call, SO I called him when I got off but hew was at the driving range so he said he would call later. !0 and no call, but he doesn call til 12 , so I am tired though , so I am thinking about calling him cause I guess I probably need to talk him, so bye.....

Wednesday went to Bryan's with Sarah, nothing happened cause SArah was there, but later on we were alone, he was on the computer looking up stuff on suicide and depression =(... I hate that he is so sad! I have made him so much worse then what is needed. Then yesterday, we were going to go to Six FLags, but I woke up late. I woke up to him texting me asking me where I was whoops. Yeah so I drove out to his house and we laid in his bed and messes around. Yeah , I made him cum again. I had my period, but he did stuff anyways, hehe, he thought it was pretty gross, but I dont have a problem with it and he admitted he liked it. HaHa. Yeah then when he fingered me, he thought he mgith have cum on hius hands and then he was afraid. he was like" i dont want a baby". yeah well thats what you get and he is the one that wanted to have sex, yeah wahtever. Yeah so about two hours of that and we decided not to go to Six Flags. Oh well , we were going to Gurnee Mills, a huge mall but the traffic was bad, and Bryan slpet most the way. But when I turned around cause of the traffic, so he woke up and he like grabbed on to me, like hugged me and laid on me while I was driving it was kinda cute, but I asked him waht he was doing and he was like" What cant I hug you" hehe I cant argue with that.

Then we went to some other mall and then walked around, He though some girl there was rally hot and told me I should dresss like her, haha no!. Yeah then I was going to get one of those dresses taht look like basketball jerseys but he said that I shouldnt wear that kinda stuff cause I am not black, hah yeah whateever. I would have gotten it but I had not a lot of money. Yeah he was making me mad at the mall.  He was like I don t want a baby and if you get pregant I am going to kill myself. Yeah then he was like I am never going to get married or have kids. Yeah that is what I want to do so whatever.... But he kept saying " I dont want a baby or I am not going to be here anymore". Pishhhh whatever. Yeah so after that we went to Burger King and ate. Then went to Ulta and he liked the girl there and said she was cute, but that didnt really bother me. hmm actually it didnt, I let him pay so he could "talk" to her. Yeah but all day he kept saying all these clothes werent me and then when I wanted to buy make up he was like you dont weat make up . Hmm yeah so we waled around a park and then say down and he was crying . he said he wasnt but he kept sniffling and then I caught him whipping his eyes and I kept asking him what was wrong but he would tell me he kept saying everything was fine. Yeah so on the way to his house I asked him again and he still wouldnt  tell me. Then we sat at his house and he tried to burn me a  cd. Then I had to go so I walked me out side and gave me like 122 hugs and kissed my shoulder over and over again and said he would call in an hour. And he did call and we talked for a long time and I finally made him go to bed cause he was like falling asleep, I think he did a couple times. Yeah so yeah I dont know>.........

  Well whatever I wont seee him til Monday or probably Friday not Monday yeah but he  calls everynight so yeah, I have to go to school grrr. yeah so bye.......

Yeah so yesterday I went to see Bryan really early. Got to his house at 10 and then we went to his dentist appointment. I guess, he told me later he got excited in the car if you know what I mean. Hmm, and on the way back he got excited too. Hehe. Yeah we went to his house and I was really tired and yeah so I laid on his bed and my head was by the edge so he casually leaned down like he was going to sit on the floor nex t to the edge of his bed and he kissed me on the forehead and then the lips, it was kinda cute.

SO yeah I laid down and he played PS2 and then we watched tv. Then we had to go to his show later on and I wanted to drive with him alone but we had to take Jon and Nick with us cause they are in the band too. Yeah well the ride was very quite. And to refresh, me and Bryan arent going out. WE once did , but he wasnt ready yet and then we were friends with benifits and then just best friends and we decided to be best friends with benifits now. I thought it would make him want to go out, I dunno Sarah keeps telling me that I am going to get hurt even more cause I love him so much. and I know she is right but , I just keep thinking that maybe it will turn into something more. I mean we talk like 50  times a day and we see each other alot and when we are ALONE he acts like we are going out or whatever, but I know we arent I just wish we were =(... That is all I want, here this was in one of the emails he sent me:



That was on July 21, so awhile ago, it is so weird though, man I hate this. Yeah well back to the show. Yeah me and Bryan and Nick went to Burger King, and there was this girl there that Bryan thought was so hot I guess, he owuldnt shut up about her he was just being so stupid. He was just doing it cause Nick was there though. GRRr, I was getting so pissed off. Man I just couldnt take it, I cant take such things from the guy I feel in love with. Yeah well she was washing the window and they were like starring at here, and Nick has no clue that me and Bryan have something going on, so he was like ohhh look Bryan she's checking you out, oh look. Grr, so we left and Bryan was like dont touch the windows the girl just cleaned, so me being the jealous type, I licked my hand and ran it down the window, haha that will teach that girl well not really but I though it was good. Then in the car Nick was like Katie you took Bryan away from true love, grr that was the end.

yeah welll then I was kinda pissed in the car so I wanted ice cream so we went across the street to get ice cream. I went in by myself and then came bax kout cause I decided I didnt want to spend money, But Bryan trying to joke around locked the doors. SO I walked off and then came back and tried the door again but still lock so I walked off even further and yeah I didnt come back for like 20 minutes and I knew they had a concert to play. I was just like you can walk you know grrr I was so pissed. I was going to let the Burger King slide but that door thing just mad me so mad. WEll I got back in the car and I didnt say anything and then we got back to the park and we saw that their band was setting up their stufff to play so Nick ran over to them but Bryan stayed in the car with me cause I was pissed and he was like whats wrong and stuff and I started crying and he was like I love you so much Katie , I love you so much and I was crying and yeah I told him to go get ready. SO he finally left , and I wiped away my tears and then went to go see him play.  Yeaah well after they palyed Bryan looked real mad so he went and sat at a bench and I was going to go talk to him and apologize for being stupid. But Sarah went over to him so I was mad and went and sat in my car, and waited until she left. Then when I got up to go talk to him he was gone so I went and sat on the bench and then 10 mins later he came there and sat down and we sat together in silence.  I was sad cause I wanted to apologize but I couldnt do it right then, It just wasnt the moment. I had it all planned out what I was going to do. but it wasnt the right time.

Later he told me he was pissed cause he said his band palyed bad, so i guess he was saying he wasnt mad at me. Hmmm, well I left him on the bench and I went and sat in my car. Yeah I sent him and text message saying " I am sorry for messing everything up" and then I sent one that said " I just could help falling in love with you" I was watching him to see what his reaction would be but he didnt get in for awhile and when he did I couldnt really see him so I went to the bathroom and while I was gone he sat in my car. and I got in next to him and we sat there in some more silence.  Then he asked me what was wrong earlier and me being dumb I said nothing and then SArah and all the guys waled to the car cause we were getting ready to leave so BRyan said we would talk later.

Yeah so It was another boring quiet ride home. WEll then we got there and me and BRyan drove to his house and he held my hand and asked me what was wrong earlier and I said I felt bad for being stupid and he said I wasnt stupid and I said I was  and he said I wanst so we left it at that. Yeah got to his house and we went to his room he kissed me a little like light but nothing then I said it was hot in the room and he was like yeah cause you are in here so I told him to shut up.  yeah we had to  go pick up Janet from SAfarri Land which is like 30 mins from his house so on the drive we held hands again and i licked his fingers cause he likes that and then picked up Janet and then drove back to his house to drop him off. Well on the was back Janet was compalining and I swear if I wasnt arounf He would so like Janet and before he liked me he liked her, but he was just so nice or whatever to her, grr. Yeah well in front of people he doesnt hold my hand but I was kinda sad looking os he held my hand and when we got to his house he gave me  a hug and ran to his house to get us pepsi, and then I went and sat against his fence and then he came and pcicked me up and kissed me and then I got in my car and he hugged me and kissed my neck and then he went around to Janets side and gave her a big  hug and told her everything that was wrong with her was going to be alright. . GRr, yeah well so me and Janet talked on the way home . I found out lots of stuff about her. Quite a slut I would say, I love her and all but she is a little whore, man she has made out with like 6 guys since 2 weeks. yeah and she doesnt want a relationship and that is like BRyan well they would be good for each other but I am in the way so that is not happening.

 Well on the way home bryan texted me to see if I got in trouble for being so late home, i didnt though. then i called him after i dropped Janet off and we talked til i got home and saw that all the ligths were on and so I thought I was going to be in trouble but I didnt so I called him back later ,and that is when he told me all the times he got excited hehe.  yeah well we talked for awhile and I wanted to go to bed. yeah so I did.

Then today he called me on my break and yeah i didnt realy talk thoguh cause I was at work and then  he called at like 530 and we talked and I told him to go take a nap cause he was tired but he said he wasnt until I was where I neeed to be, I was going to go pick up Melissa to go see a movie, so he stayed on the phone with me. I talked to him a sec ago and he is calling me baxck cause he is recording  an acuostic set. yeah so by the looks of this  post , Bryan  and I are going now where. Oh wait when I was at his house he kissed my forehead and said dont worry, hmm what I am I not to worry about ? Yeah well I dunno how things are going to end up

bbsk8er24 (2:15:02 AM): Fuck Buddies?
A GooSE LoVER (2:15:12 AM): um yes
bbsk8er24 (2:15:23 AM): ......
A GooSE LoVER (2:15:31 AM): '.............................what?
bbsk8er24 (2:15:47 AM): Fuck Buddies.......?
A GooSE LoVER (2:15:57 AM): Eat you out of bliss
A GooSE LoVER (2:16:02 AM): yes!
bbsk8er24 (2:16:11 AM): FUCK BUDDIES???
A GooSE LoVER (2:16:20 AM): YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bbsk8er24 (2:16:34 AM): yay
A GooSE LoVER (2:16:46 AM): yeah yeah'
bbsk8er24 (2:16:50 AM): yay
bbsk8er24 (2:16:57 AM): so fuck buddies?
A GooSE LoVER (2:17:03 AM): yes alreadt
bbsk8er24 (2:17:11 AM): well not really fucking.....unless
A GooSE LoVER (2:17:19 AM): yes yes
bbsk8er24 (2:17:45 AM): so we fuck buddies?
A GooSE LoVER (2:17:52 AM): yes
bbsk8er24 (2:18:14 AM): what about the fucking part?
A GooSE LoVER (2:18:28 AM): i dunno yet
bbsk8er24 (2:18:36 AM): nor do i
A GooSE LoVER (2:18:52 AM): well goog
A GooSE LoVER (2:18:58 AM): good*
A GooSE LoVER (2:20:00 AM): so.......
bbsk8er24 (2:20:06 AM): yeah
bbsk8er24 (2:20:10 AM): Fuck Buddies
A GooSE LoVER (2:20:13 AM): yep
bbsk8er24 (2:20:23 AM): yay
A GooSE LoVER (2:20:33 AM): is that all u wanted
bbsk8er24 (2:21:16 AM): I don't know... maybe more
bbsk8er24 (2:21:24 AM): y...is that all you wanted?
A GooSE LoVER (2:21:38 AM): no
bbsk8er24 (2:21:48 AM): what else?
A GooSE LoVER (2:21:58 AM): you know already
bbsk8er24 (2:22:13 AM): me too
A GooSE LoVER (2:22:31 AM): yeah well good
bbsk8er24 (2:23:04 AM): it's just that I don't think it's the right time
bbsk8er24 (2:23:06 AM): sorry
A GooSE LoVER (2:23:28 AM): yeah i know and it is ok
bbsk8er24 (2:23:56 AM): :-(
bbsk8er24 (2:24:00 AM): but you know how bad I feel
bbsk8er24 (2:24:05 AM): it's un descibable
A GooSE LoVER (2:24:14 AM): yeah i know
bbsk8er24 (2:24:45 AM): :-(
bbsk8er24 (2:24:46 AM): i'm sorry
A GooSE LoVER (2:25:10 AM): its ok.........
bbsk8er24 (2:25:26 AM): I'm sorry
A GooSE LoVER (2:25:50 AM): dont worry
A GooSE LoVER (2:25:58 AM): its ok tay
bbsk8er24 (2:25:58 AM): but I am okay
bbsk8er24 (2:26:11 AM): I can't stop worrying about the ones I love

Well thats a conversation about 3 weeks ago or so

bbsk8er24 (2:18:14 AM): it's just that I want you to be my best friend. You're someone I can always count on


he said that too

bbsk8er24 (2:08:33 AM): I know. I didn't really mean what I posted. I have major feelings for you; I care about you, I guess I didn't know how much you cared for me though

Yeah well I am on the phone with him now  so I will be back. tommorow

Well the day with Bryan so far. Well I decided ihe can call me today, so at like ummm 4 or so he text me saying to watch the movie Stand By Me cause it was good, so I said I will watch it with him and he said hehe ok, then he said dont cry please dont ever cry. and then I said Ill try.

Then while I was at work he texted me and asked me how work was. And then about 9:45 ish he called and told me he was at Six Flags and he was riding the rollarcoasters for me. Yeah and then he said he would call me later.

Yeah well last night, Bryan text me to call him, so I did, and he was very talk ative. He kept asking  what  I told Sarah. Well of course i told Sarah about what me and him did, so I was kinda scared to admit it even though he knew. SO he refused to talk to me, I kept begging him to talk to me and he just sat there in silence then he hung up. So I called him back and this time I really sat in silence. I stayed on the phone for lie 5 minutes but he wouldnt answer me, so I hung up. By this time I was in tears. but I called him back cause he always has a weakness for my tears. I think I told him I was sorry, and that is all he ever really wants is me to apologize. I kept telling him that I didnt mean to tell SArah, I was just excited and she is my best friend, so I told her.

Yeah so I talked things through with him and creid a little and then he kept telling  me to stop crying cause he hates when I am sad. So I stopped after awhile and we started talking normal. And t I am noit sure but we talked for like an hour and a half. He wants me to come out tohis house on SAturday really early at like ten and go to the dentist with him and hang out later. He has a concert that night, so I will go watch him paly and everything. He was really tired on the phone and I kept telling him to go to bed but he said he wouldnt til I went to bed. I was on the internet so I wasnt going to bed anytime soon so I guess he would just have to wait.

Well I finally got off the internet, and I wanted him to go to bed cause he had to wake early to go to Six FLags, so I told him I was going to bed and he didnt believe me cause I wasnt tired. So I had to hang up with him cause he didnt want to go to bed yet. SO I told him good night like 50 times and he SAid"Lots of Love" twice and then I finally hung up so I could go to bed. Yeah well that is my update on Bryan.  What does lots of love mean? Oh yeah on the other day, I got himn a Thrice t shirt and pins from the WArped TOur and he said " I love the pins alot , I love the shirt alot, and I love you alot" was that good? I hope so, it felt good when he said it. Yeah but I gotta go pick up my pictures. so bye................

Love Kay-t

Well on Tuesday I went to Bryan's and we had a little fun. His parents werent home so it was all good. First we were on his bed.  We were making out then, came off my pants, he was fingering me and eating me out, hehe. then lets see, more making out. Then comes off his shirt and my pants. Then i was feeling him and then I gave him a nice long hand job. It took 53 minutes for him to cum. yeah pretty long time, then he made my hole really big so i palayed with it, hehe, yeah it was fun. Then yeah he finally cummed. oh yeah i used victoria secret lotion for luburcation hehe smells good. yeah hen i wiped him cum on his face it was funny. afterwards we toook a shower together and he washed me.

Then yesterday he was fingering me and it was so great I loved it I was breathing really hard cause it was so great and yeah I was late to work cause of it.

Then yeah today I told sarah about it and I think bryan is mad cause yeah he said in his text to me that he talked to Sarah uh oh, I know he doesnt want people to know but you know I really like him and it is exciting to tell people I love him and so yeah, I am not  going to lie to everyone, i cant do that. And plus i gave him my first hand job ever so it is exciting yeah so, i am scared he is mad at me, cause he said, yeah and tommorow I am going to six flags. SO yeah I guess he is probably mad. but i hope he isnt cause then I would be really sad. I would be, it would be terrible, but yeah I dont know. I think I love him I really do, I always want to say it but I cant I really want to though. I wish he loved me, but he doesnt probably the way I do. Man but I really want him , man do I. I am shaking cause I am really nervous of what he is going to say to me on the phone or if he will even clal cause he is mad. Man I am going to be sad and cry, but I love him so much it is crazy. My lip is quivering, ahh, I am scared. =(... Help me help me. God what am I to do. I really want him so bad it is crazy.  I love him so much!